me

2011-06-02T23:15:00.002+08:00

on some days

i just get so worried bout u

i cant help it

sometimes i want my world to revolve around u

i want to protect u, see u laugh and wish everything could be perfect 4 u

i know the going is tough now, but u've got to fight babe

i will support u all e way, u know tt

i used to keep throwing tempers when i first met u, and u would tolerate them and love me still

i dun understand why i did what i did tt time

bt i guessed i changed

i want to be a better person 4 u

u noe e one thing tt will make me collapse?

ans: you leaving me

so no matter what u throw at me, no matter how hurtful, no matter how much it makes me cry

at e end of every argument/quarrel, i will love u

this word love....it means more to me than u cn ever imagine

im unsure how i cn stay sane all this time, bt part of e reason is cuz of u

i think u noe tt :)

i hope u are happy.

i dunwan to see u so messed up babe

cheers alright?

i love you

2011-04-27T20:15:00.002+08:00

i figured i should be more kind to u
im such an asshole sometimes
wen im supposed to be angry, i control it
wen im supposed to control my anger, i let it burst
i dont wan to take you for granted
i realli do love u
and tis is not an emo post :)
its supposed to encourage me and make me happy again
u know wat my mom said? she said ur qualities are pretty gd, and my dad didnt say anytin, my grandma said ur muscular and tall
and i agree with every one of them
im realli an asshole
u have every right to get mad at me
im real glad my mom told me to treasure u
if i realli did lose u bcuz of my shitty personality im gonna regret it so bad
like i did e last time
hahahas i wrote a whole post based on just a few sentences my mom said
dear, forgive me
i love u

2011-04-23T12:29:00.002+08:00

i dun realli noe if u will read tis post or anytin

cuz just a few mins ago i said i would be posting in my blog again

i just wanted u to noe tt...i realli love u

and its hard sometimes

to be away from u

even if its just a few days

yeah, u get angry wen u dun have time to do ur own stuff

bt i always presume u would be happier with me there

i mean, if i cn be with u 24/7, it would probably be e happiest ting tt ever happen to me

of course, i would still want my family and a few frens

bt nth realli compares to spending all tt time with u

i like to see u smile at me

or make jokes bout me being a sotong

i noe it makes u laugh

at times, i dun realli noe y i do tings just to make u happy

even if its uncomfortable for me or i dun realli like it

seeing u so psyched up and excited makes alot of difference

im scared u might leave me again

i cn rmb tt crazy day wen we broke up

i was going insane, getting more and more irrational by e min

and u knew it, bt u were so far away

it felt like millions of knives going at very fast speeds, hitting my chest

very cliche right? bt tts wat i felt

so i control myself, i make myself see tt u have been alr very gd to me, wich is a fact

and i appreciate e tings u do for me, e tings u give me

bt sometimes i wonder? do u love me as much i do u?

2011-04-17T13:23:00.005+08:00

sometimes i wonder was it realli e right move to be ur gf again?

im miserable again

i wonder y tt is so? its weird

i used to always want u back as a bf, nt special frens/ friends with benefits

bt aft i finally got wat i wanted

im starting to see all e negative sides to a relationship

im nt ready for one am i?

im still discovering who i am inside

its confusing and complicated all e same time

and i noe you cant help me in any way

real depressing

maybe its cuz i didnt have a very gd sleep last night

i was scared of dark shadows wich i knew werent there, bt i still imagined tt there were

and i was surprised tt i could hear my phone buzz while at my bed

it was bout a metre from my bed to e table

what do i realli want then? if nt to be with u, wat is my real need? a companion? a no-holds barred rs? i actually tink i was happier wen we werent bounded by e words ''relationship''

it brought back stupid thoughts

i cn feel tt part of me coming back up to complicate tings again

i expect you to be there for me 24/7, even though ur working

i expect you to bring me out and play every wkend, nt go to ur hse and foreplay

i expect you to listen to me and my troubles, cuz ur e closest person i have in my life

i expect you to accompany me wenever i need u

selfish and conceited thoughts, i know

i wish i could throw away all tis rotton thoughts of mine

bt at e same time

i sometimes wish things could go my way, instead of me accomodating you all e time'

last selfish thought: you dont seem to appreciate me, at times

2011-04-13T12:23:00.005+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXToAvMYV3U&feature=fvwrel

have been pressing e repeat button for this song 3 times alr!

im attached nw :)

to my guanhong! i love him so much!

anw i have been working for 2 days at bcs toa payoh

at least im earning money

a wk ago i was at ttsh working as a surveyor with xl, earned like 75 bucks

haix

i did so many cool tings aft i recovered from my sore eyes

i went for a free dental check up at amkhub and realised im growing wisdom teeth on my top right

and i needed polishing and scaling

btw i went with my bf and we both got free dental floss

hahahhas ystd aft work i took bus from toa payoh wen to meet bf..missed him lah!

he looked so charming to me wich is all e time :)

and we wen compass point again, walked around, wanted to get brownie with ice-cream bt lib resaurant was close..so wen to get sushi!

addicted to it! influenced by him :)

i feel like eating freshness burger's doughnuts! wanna try e choc flavour one

maybe i will aft tt :) love e raisin one so much!

bye peeps!!!

2011-03-30T13:56:00.002+08:00

so what if i have terrible sore eyes and cant do much?

so what if u guys decided nt to invite me for a bdae celebration?

so what?

i am still me

i wont let petty stuff get in e way of my confidence

do u guys have a loving ex-bf in ur lives?

do u guys noe e joy of love?

or e warmth of a family?

i love japanese related stuff, be it food or stationery or cooking stuff or toys

im gd in languages, i cn sing by ear if i listen to it enuff, i learn languages fast

i have beautiful eyes

my family loves me enuff and trusts me

i wont let myself be weak again

2011-03-21T14:12:00.002+08:00

who says a girl cn stay madly in love with another?

y stay with someone hu would only take u for granted or plain uses u to his benefit?

there are so many ppl out there whom i havent discovered, simply cuz i didnt want to give myself a chance to accept others

how could i have let myself be like tt for so long?

okie this is meant to be an uplifting post

i dont want to feel in e dumps again

just bcuz of u

ur nt worth anytin, yet i kip deluding myself, tinking tt u still love me

wen apparently, im just there to fulfil ur sick needs

how many times have i written a post about u, swearing to neva talk to u again, neva to contact u again

and yet i cant find e strength to resist myself?

ur just a guy i love

well more than love really, u dunno hw much i care for u

i guess im nt ready to love another. i dont love myself enuff

hw cn i low self esteem girl love another unconditionally, wen she herself isnt confident about e rs?

damn tis is e main prob im having in all my rs

i dun have courage to believe wat e other is telling me

i kip doubting him and apparently find trouble

im nt as great as i thought i am

i still nid to give u ur space, i still kip tt piece of paper u said about me

one of e gd tings bout me is tt i give u space

i shouldnt ruin ur life and u shouldnt ruin mine

i expected too much of u

tts y im so disappointed

im completely deluded into tinking u care

wat is love? guide me o lord

god loves his children and by doing so, he is disciplining them in his own way

i should accept e path He is showing me, nt rebel against it

i must have faith in myself tt i cn get thru this on my own

kambatte meixin!

2011-02-26T23:33:00.002+08:00

know how love can get to you sometimes?

like realli get to you, till you cant realli concentrate on anytin anymore

till tt person decides to contact u again

wich could be never

im tired of feeling tis way

tired of depending on you

i havent got e strength to break away from u

like i did with e rest of my exs

i noe e reason. im still charmed by u

everyting bout u is still perfect

its no wonder i create all tis stress and pent up anger wen i dont get what i want

and i cant find another place/venue to vent it on

my life is empty without u

damn even wen im writing tis, im hoping u would call me or sms me

i feel like crying every damn night

i just miss u so much

y am i such a stupid weakling?

cn someone just make my life betta alr? everytime i tink bout u i get all upset inside

i create all tis trouble for myself and u noe nth of it

i wanna give up

im scaring myself by being all paranoid

fuck it im giving up

i swear to god i wont see u again i wont talk to u again and i definitely will not call u

fuck u heart-breaker

no point loving someone so much and hurting myself in e process

fuck it all

2011-02-25T23:19:00.004+08:00

i guess i just needed to talk to myself again
since my most trusted person decides tt tonight he dosent want to entertain me

and anw he cant even rmb my blog address

zzzzz i dunno y i cn stand and bear everyting tt my frens throw at me

bt i get super upset if he dosent call/ sms back

i told myself to get over him alr

and still my stupid mind cant comprehend tt

i wonder wats my prob

y im so besotted and mad bout him

i mus be crazy

y else would i let him affect my mood for e rest of e night

well he seems happy enough tonight

judging from e noise in e background

mus be enjoying himself over some celebration

dosent realli tink y i called him

like it isnt impt

well hell yeah maybe it isnt, i just needed to unload my feelings

he cant stand tt? or am i realli just a big drama queen? like he said b4

damn it kills to be nice

i wonder wat im doing wrong in my life

its like puppet strings are on me...i havent got a choice or smth

2011-02-22T12:41:00.002+08:00

i honestly wish u could be happier with me

im happy as it is alr

bt it dosent seem e same to you

i noe ur working and having more stress than i am right now

and i want to make it better for you

i just wan to see u happy around me

yeah u smile and laugh

bt e days arent like before, e first few mths we've been tgt

i try to shake off e feelings i have for you

i try to push them away, avoid them all i can

bt wenever u tell me ur tired or get pissed at me, i find myself hurt

i neva wanted u to be unhappy around me

im so blissed wenever im in ur arms

do u feel e same way?

i dunno y im feeling so down nw...maybe its cuz i still cant let you go aft all this wks

i still want u

i dunno hw u feel towards me

surely i noe u dun hate me, bt at times u look sick and tired to see me

its like im wasting ur time

u have so many tings to do, neva finishing them

i wish i could help to make ur life different so u would be happier

bt am i doing it e wrong way?

are you realli happy with me?

or are u just there to make sure i dont cry and do stupid tings again

what are you realli tinking at times? i realli dont get it

i noe u dun have any more feelings towards me bt e actions u show me proves otherwise

im nt sure anymore bt i noe im happy with you nw

wichever state we're in, wateva our relationship is

sadly e 3 magical words would neva again be said by u

THE END

2010-10-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

i feel like i dun have much of a purpose in tis world

sometimes its like...i wonder wat im doing on planet earth

i wish tings could be diff

i mean it wen i say tis

im super pissed nw and i cant find a solution to my probs

i wish ppl could be kinder

and i wish you would stop criticising me

i might have offended u or smth although im nt sure what it is

bt dont you realise ur act of revenge is a little too much?

mus you realli treat me lidat?

have i ever been cruel to u in any way? except 4 e fact tt im late in e past

u've ruined my fucking life u bitch

i cant stop myself from calling u tt alr despite all e other times u gave me stuff

i feel degraded

i hate u 4 making my life miserable

i noe partly is my fault and i should just ignore u

bt e way you act around me...it fucking pisses me off

2010-09-13T22:58:00.002+08:00

its weird im blogging nw
i havent touched my blog in dunno hw long alr
just started work today at bcs -.-
at least e staff treated us like humans rather than e branch at tampines wich sucks BIG TIME!!
and i gt to reach hme early today
wich was great :)
hmmm will continue working 4 one wk and i have to wear my mom's ''work'' clothes wich i realli dun like
its nt like im working there 4 a mth or anytin, so y bother so much man? lol
anw arm was hurting e whole day, was just looking forward to goin hme and talking to ''you''
lets see..its exactly 15 days since...''you'' & I...tgt :)
and so far no major probs happened
lol like ''you'' said, we will last a yr and more :)
so yeah, i gtg slp...im realli tired
nites ppl :)

2010-09-06T23:42:00.002+08:00

hello world!
its 11.43pm! and im still so awake!
exams are over!!! no more accs till next sem :)
R&R time
o.o lets talk bout ''you''
from e last post i revealed little bout ''you''
bt in tis post, im gonna talk a little more, tell my dear readers nuggets of ur character
goes to gym
likes reading twlight and dosent tink its lame
loves gundam! and dosent like making it perfect, just like me
saves e earth! more earth friendly than me
gets giddy in crowded places? ROFL!
o.o and most impt! loves me to death :)
more next time ppl! :) nites
PS. all e character traits mentioned above cept' gym is similar to mine! LOL!

2010-09-03T23:51:00.002+08:00

i cant help myself to nt say tis
i love u
my god..words cant describe my feelings 4 u
let me say smth else first
i noe tt i have been talking bout each and every bf in such manner plenty of times alr and its getting boring
bt....gosh
tis is so diff...as in its out of tis world!
no one has ever treated me like such an angel before
its nt only an angel, more like a princess
he's perfect.
nt exacly my ideal guy of athletic, tanned friendly quality
bt his character totally made up 4 it
alright..shall nt reveal more
god definitely wans me to meet him...my guts say so :)
bye ppl

2010-08-22T12:33:00.002+08:00

wat kind of a person am i? realli?
cuz i cant figure it out anymore
i just told ben smth ystd, said i would give my all 4 e person i love, until i lose self-confidence such as in e case of greg
bt wen im nt in a rs, i cn be happy and do wateva i want
sighs y does a rs suck out so much of a person's life? one part of me wans to be attached
another part of me dosent wan to
heck e weather isnt very gd on sundays, esp today
it feels damp and nt very sunny
i like sunny places, with all e natural elements around me
i miss nt getting headaches and nt caring bout hw i look
im sure i was happier wen i was younger
like life was more happy-go-lucky
bt no use turning e clock back, wats done is done, gotta look forward
sighs
i still have to live with e probability tt greg will nt cme back to me anymore
double sighs
LOL

2010-08-13T21:16:00.002+08:00

im so sick and tired of tinkin bout u occasionally
y cant i just wipe u out of my life?
ur like tis constant reminder tt i need u to determine ny happiness
weirdly, u have tis strange effect on my moods and i hate tt u ruin wat i have built up with just a simple thought of e times we had b4
god! wen e day comes wen i cn completely stop tinkin bout u, it would be e day i get a new bf
and dun worry tt day wont cme soon
i will stay single and available, i dont need u anymore
or at least tts wat i tell myself
hell i dun nid a guy to make my life complete! im MEIXIN! i cant lose myself over shitty ppl hu make me feel degraded and useless
rs are supposed to make a person feel betta bout themselves, just to repeat
so yea..i feel so much betta aft saying it all out
hahhas nw i cn go off to study my ship ops alr
toodles ppl
be strong!

2010-08-07T22:06:00.002+08:00

there are days when u feel like everytin's perfect
e sun's shining into ur room, ur playing xbox 360 with ur sister wich u havent done in a long while
e baby cousin is asleep and u feel life has neva been betta :)
tts hw i felt today
hmmm...its called contentment
i tink i stoppped goin aft branded stuff as i get older, or maybe its cuz i feel there's too much luxury items in my home alr
somehow...im happy with wat i have
i could ask 4 more bt well..hw cn i ever find true happiness this way?

there's this book called ''how i live now'' on e glass table in my living rm
its by penguin books
and MAN! i've neva read smth so simple and at e same time very interesting b4
e eng is understandable and e characters lead e kind of life i wish i had :)
no wonder my sis decided to buy it
im definitely a fan of penguin books nw
hmmm my sis put seperators? in her teeth ystd to prepare her 4 braces
she cant eat meat nor fish nor vegs...nt even bread or anytin solid
its like she became a patient in a hospital..surviving on porridge, and liquid food
makes me feel lucky tt i took off mine
i just realised smth..me and greg put braces b4 and alr took them off
tt makes us have smth in common..no wonder i feel he's so charming 24/7
yea i may be blinded by him alr HAHAS
anw have been mentioning him recently to jojo and pt like all e time
and i rmb jojo said smth like ''if u want to be with him, u can''
she makes me feel like life is so much betta than wat i tink it is, wich is well...boring
its no wonder i feel so comfortable round my frens, esp jojo

i have to stop tinking bout him
have to dispel tt ray of hope tt he'll sms anytime soon
i have to concentrate on improving myself first

bt no one told me it was goin to be easy
sighs off to facebook! bye ppl

2010-07-28T23:09:00.002+08:00

some ppl are so god-damn lucky to have a bf who loves them 24/7 and look so perfect tgt
im so jealous!
dun tink i'll ever get back tgt with my current ex alr....first serious bf
probably will be my last
sick and tired of rs
its like i have to kip up with making e other person happy
and if i dun hear from him, i get irritated
give me awful dark eye circles and slping in class
although i do slp in class nw, its only 4 a very very short while
most of my slping is on e train hahas

well time to update bout wats happening in my life
hmm tis sat goin watch fireworks with jojo, pt, xiaowei, shichao and maybe mayday and xueli
LOL my best best buddies!
cn laugh until stomach pain all e time
hahas i love poly!
projs are goin to end soon. CRS, IDEA and log
hope i cn pass my log..OMG! and i seriously detest grp work. i love individual work LOL
im like an outcast ,always disagreeing with others :)
alrite ciao ppl nites

2010-07-18T23:24:00.002+08:00

been tinkin alot again
some are bad some are gd

1. i have to start saving money
2. i have to give my bf e space he wants, and its gonna be hard
3. im using too much paper to print notes 4 sch
4. i have started reading again :)
5. im starting to see tings with a simple-minded view again, tings tt used to make me happy and make live worth living.

so life goes on
tings wont happen my way all e time
in fact, i have to cope with change, like it or nt
i dont realli rmb wat i type here until i see it LOL
i just tink tt im having too many tings alr, all materialistic
i have to go back to my past days, wen folding hearts 4 my ex-bf was propelled by love
wen sitting down in a corner and reading was relaxing
wen knitting smth out brings me joy

i drank bacardi today and didnt like it HOHOHO...was too gasy
played badminton b4 tt and my arm ached, bt i sweated wich was great :)
wen excercising tis morning, just as awesome!
didnt go out today with family
yea.. im learning to treasure ppl more
my sec frens, poly frens, my bf, my family
wont noe if i might lose all of tis someday

2010-07-16T23:59:00.003+08:00

watching jigouku shoujo :)
translated into ''hell girl'', and her name is enma ai
me and sis are mad about tis anime series
''o pitiful shadow, lost in the darkness, bringing torment to others....perhaps its time to die''
lol wish i knew tis in jap
4 everyone's info, tis series is talking about e hell correspondence
if u want to seek vengeance on those u wan dead, u log onto e hell websit at 12am and type in e victims's name into e blank space
and hell girl will appear and give u a black doll
all u have to do is pull e red thread around a doll's neck and she will ferry e person u hate to hell
''however, once vengeance has been served, u will have to deliver your end of the bargain.''
'' u will neva experience e joys of heaven, ur soul left to wander''.....smth lidat
lol nw im at ep 14, havent watched yet :)
sry i type so much bout tis ah...realli love my anime nw
and i tink im absorbing greg's characterism...lol wateva tt word means
sadistic and thick-skinned and ULTRA blunt
hehex
alrite very late le im off to slp :) bye peeps

2010-07-12T22:41:00.002+08:00

hey readers!
my bf has been visiting my blog
glad i havent put anytin to offend him here
sighs
sometimes i wonder y im doin so much to please him
i rushed to clubrm today to mit him, panting like some dog
and he just stared back at me
no thks no nth
well i cn take tt
just tt he's like i didnt wan to meet u in e first place, is u forced me to
and i was...totally trying to control myself from shouting at him
sighs
and he neva did tink bout our future
uber depressing
talked to him just, didnt get e response i wanted
guess wasnt e right time to talk to him
must he be so self-centered? wonder hw long we cn last
i just noe i dont wan to lose him..least of all nw

2010-07-01T23:45:00.003+08:00

the worst is over
everytin...was NOT e way it was
bt it takes time 4 wounds to heal
yea :)
results are back! and im so glad i passed ACCS!!
zomg i tot i might fail so badly i'll end up crying in class or smth
bt it turned out ok

FCS-71
MARENG-63
accs-63
logistics-63
CRS-C+
IDEA- ?
ship-op-?

so yea as u guys cn see, i gt same marks for 3 subs!!!
super dun like!
i noe i cn get betta in logistics
lols cuz i love tt sub..maybe cuz teacher teach until very qing chu
LOL tmr get back ship op man!
sure fail..as usual..didnt realli didnt study at all
and i dun like tis sub
crazy teacher teach nt gd de rofl
and my frens kip saying i aim very high, and i said isnt life supposed to be tis way? :)
anw i wanna buy stuff soon!
headphones, ipod (still considering), cross-stitch!
somebody pei me go shopping!
lol nw too many projs alr...needa de-stress
dear nt free tis wk..sighs

2010-06-27T18:32:00.002+08:00

i love u
i miss u
i need u
im sorry i hurt u so badly
pls forgive me
i cant bear to be away from u
i wont be able to take it if u leave me
i numb myself with singing
so tt i dont have to tink about ur pain
it hurts me to see u so miserable
take care dearest

2010-06-24T00:35:00.003+08:00

a post of hope, confidence and trust
i've been swayed by alot of tings tt happened in my life
lots of tings..i havent been true to myself
no i havent been standing up 4 myself
i've been pushing myself down, having little self-confidence
makes me want to cut my hair
although i realli love my hair nw
i like having short hair, it made me so fearless
somehow
i dont have to try to change to be someone im nt
i nid to start having a fulfilling life
be what i used to be in my past
tt fearless, confident girl i noe is inside me
my natural leadership ability, tt never give up attitude
fighting 4 what i believe in
nt letting others decide 4 me
i cn be independent, strong and nt get bullied
i have to stand up 4 myself
in order to love someone fully, i have to start loving myself fully first
makes me want to be single man lol
i forgot wat being single was like alr :)
lol nites ppl

2010-06-20T14:07:00.002+08:00

i want to buy stuff!
like tt cellulite buster and ''my beauty diary'' masks
o.o maybe a pore minimiser would be nice too
and..i realised smth else
greg is e nicest guy on planet earth!! its realli my fault to tink tt our rs is goin downhill or smth
just cuz i didnt dare try smth new, smth as simple as hearing my bf's voice
i tot maybe i didnt love him anymore! GASP!
ok i was actually straying, i guess tings werent realli goin well, we were kinda arguing and all
basically all my fault..then well nw..everytin's ok i guess
i mus always rmb tt '' just bcuz a person dosent love u e way u wan him to, dosent means he has stopped loving u''
lol maybe i didnt feel it from him, bt all tis while, he has been loving me, i just didnt know it!
i have to start treating him betta
and...i knew y i put his name on fb alr...
partly bcuz i knew ppl would approve of him
bt mainly cuz i accepted him as my 1st SERIOUS bf
yeah..i want him to be happy with me :)
no more hurt, lies and playing...lol
i sound like a wife or smth, maybe cuz my mom kips asking if he treats me gd or nt..blahx
she wants to tell my dad someday..and im like...NO! rofl

P.S sry 4 all e bf talk :)

goodbye dear friends

2010-06-19T18:51:00.002+08:00

hi its me again
sighs..there's no one at hme and im waiting 4 an sms
darling is sick, he just threw up a few hrs ago...poor boy
sighs i had one of those deep conversations with myself just nw
it was so frustrating
and it scared me..frankly quite alot
a need and a want
i tink i discussed tis topic b4 in my past posts, bt i tink tis is it. its e ultimate conclusion lol

a need is smth u cant live without
u need air, water and food and relationships
a want is smth u cn live without
like a pair of shoes, clothes, material possesions
and e shocking ting is i surprised myself
i dont need a bf, i want a bf
i found out what i realli need....someone hu genuinely wants me to be in their lives and dont take me 4 granted
its nt realli bout love anymore, u cn say u love someone, bt does ur heart feel tt way?

yea..so tis issue made me realli depressed
i dunno wat brought on tis conversation, it just happened
god mus be telling me smth..except i dunno...maybe smth is blocking me from seeing e real pic
or i just wan to kip lying to myself, pretending everytin's fine
wat is wrong with me!!!!!
emotional much lol
P.S my eng improved i tink, all thks to dennis (godbro-friend) rofl

2010-06-13T15:25:00.003+08:00

sobs its so dark and gloomy nw
bt perfect 4 sleeping! hahas :)

EVENTS
1. cca camp 14th-16th
2. k-box session with crys 18th
3. steamboat with jojo and PT
4. 1st mth anv G&MX 14th

hahas it looks little..bt wth at least i cn go out
hmmm....having horrible flu and headache nw
popped pills alr bt dun seem to make me betta
LOL i wonder if'll have e energy to go camp tmr..haix
just wan to make my G happy
sighs cant eat bbq..saded
hope i cn get well soon...havent even packed 4 tmr :)
alrite G talkin to me nw
toodles peeps!

2010-06-07T22:45:00.002+08:00

its raining..tts great
i always feel betta wen it rains, nt tt i hate e sun or anytin
i love e elements, e sun, rain, wind and all
bt wen it rains in e night, its e best, i'll get a gd nites slp
anw im feeling too relaxed nw, like there's no exams anymore or smth

i totally blew up at my bf today, just shouted at him 4 no reason
was on e verge of breaking down
all bcuz of a misunderstanding, he had to stay back to study and couldnt go hme with me as he failed labtest
i was like..okie at first i was alright then e next min i was realli angry with him
then he was like...im worried bout u and do u need me to rush over to see u nw?
bt i was still angry...and its like i was acting like such a bitch today
and he had to suffer all my shit, so i was feeling real bad
then he said some words of reassurance and im all better
yea im an asshole, i treat guys like they're entertainment..i hate myself 4 admitting tt
bt maybe..just maybe..greg could be e one 4 me
i wonder if i'll let myself love him wholeheartedly..i dont wan to hurt him
bt its too early to see his character..nt even a mth..bt its approaching
i hope we cn give each chances to love..
dunno wats wrong with me...maybe fear tt i'll scare him away like my last

gd luck 4 exams ppl!!
& loving u still G!

2010-06-02T23:08:00.002+08:00

i tink i used to love blogging or rather, writing in a journal
bt im like super busy tis whole wk. preparing 4 exams
its driving me mad
it was like bac in sec sch where u had to study like a crazy person just to get tt A grade
bt nw its my GPA
im aiming 4 my 3.5 and above! wondering if i cn even make it
wat with all e accounting shit wich i dun understand at all
and ship operations, wich no one realli bothered to absorb cept' those guai kia
LOL usually ship-op on fri at poly marina so its like just go there and slack man, and enjoy air-con day
if gt break so go to playground and climb stuff and play flying fox!! our loves!! LOL we will laugh until stomachache man hahas

so yea..been studying alot tis wk, catching up on all e crap tt i didnt listen in class
totally regret..cuz its like nw so many stuff dun understand
and dunno wich parts are impt cept' 4 logistics
heng gt my darling greg to pei me
last 2 days sick..go flu and sore throat damn worried 4 him
then its like today he came sch alr..so im so relieved..life is so much betta with him
at least he dosent bully me like my poly frens do..sobs HAHAS
signing off! :)

2010-05-22T13:45:00.003+08:00

and we're gonna dance all thru e night
lols hey peeps
long time no see! how are u?
its 1.45pm and i havent eaten lunch
feeling realli drained and dead these days, pimples and dark circles appearing on face
i look like crap and i noe it
cant blame my bf lah since i wanted to be with him
bt i swear i have to use my facial masks soon
dunno if spoil alr or nt man! my precious carrot mask!
im bored,tired bt LOVED
lols i just found out ystd tt my dearest bf has pecs!
and muscles in his arms! i go touch then he kip laughing! LOL
he said gt 4 and dunno whether he gt e V-line at his waist there! i was like...hunk-in-disguise
LOL scared ltr he change then go find another gf! my imagination very feng fu! hahas
hmmm....ltr maybe uploading his pic online!
bye ppl off to eat lunch!

2010-05-19T23:22:00.002+08:00

hello world
LOL been obsessed with greg recently
too engrossed until lazy to update blog
bf bf bf i tink he's e best god gave me, i mean where on earth cn i find such a faithful, loving, cute and smart bf?
nowhere man! he brightens my day up
and i love him lots lots!!
even though its only a few days
LOL anw i always see him @ lunch and aft sch
and he always helps carry my lappy and insists he pays 4 everytin
wich is e sweetest!
and man! he fetches me from class to plamo and back and then tgt go out today!
isnt tt cool? hehe
no wonder PT and jojo always say him tau huay
dun ask me y, they all crazy ppl de
hmm...sighs tmr mit him go sch tgt!!! yipeee!!! mus resisit myself from goin out with him aft sch
i noe mom will be so happy tmr tt i get to go hme early and nt go out with him again
LOL fool in love
except i wan to be with him forever and ever and tink i actually mean it '
gosh too happy alr
shit i betta go slp
ciao peeps!!

2010-05-15T08:56:00.002+08:00

aiyeeee!!!! lols too happy tis morning alr
have to stop myself from becoming crazy ltr
14 may..significant date :)
arghs hell i cant control myself
take a deep breath as u walk thru those doors, its e morning of ur very first day
ahh random shit lah
ok lets talk bout my bf
GAH!! lols
he loves jay chou ( always on-ed his songs! )
he is a momma's boy
lastly, he's super sweet to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!! see i becoming crazy alr
his photo in my fone...WHEEEE!!!!!!
ok i betta go do smth else to calm myself down
lols

2010-05-08T19:33:00.002+08:00

alot of stuff happened tis few wks
LOL no actually i've been tinkin alot more
like hw would i noe whether a person is still e same as b4 unless i go talk to him/her and give myself a chance to understand them again
or why isnt e govt giving a job to my foreign bf hu has alr gone back?
even though e govt claims they wan an inflow of foreigners to make our country more talented or smth
no wonder he blames my govt so much 4 nt making him stay in sg, thus forcing him to return hme
bt im still defending sg and my ppl cuz i was born here and i love my country, it kips me safe
he has no right to say anytin bout my country
i was realli mad with him on our last day tgt, maybe cuz i was expecting smth more, like maybe he might treasure tis day more
bt he's indifinetely gone and i wouldnt noe wen he might cme bac again
i hate tis

sighs i wanna buy a nike water bottle cuz e one i have nw kips leaking
plus i also wanna go shopping with someone, anyone
i miss getting new stuff
maybe i could go fourskin again and maybe get those high-waiste shorts, wonder if i'll look fat or smth

2010-05-03T23:44:00.002+08:00

i hate to feel like no one cares
bt...i noe tts nt true
i hate to tink tt im nt wanted
wen i wan to be wanted
by someone, anyone
its a dreadful kind of feeling, knowing tt ppl are leaving u or choosing to go out with someone betta, prettier, cuter
life isnt fair
my mantra..i say it like all e time
its neva goin to be enuff
i'll always be e selfish girl hu wants better tings than others
& im more vulnerable at night
as in i'll tink and worry bout all e bad stuff i kip locked up in sch
making me suffer from insomnia sometimes, if i still have alot of energy left in me

sometimes i leave my hp on just to wait 4 u to reply
other times i wish u would be online to talk to me and make me laugh again
and occasionally i tink bout u at sch, whether i might see u
make me feel special again

2010-05-01T20:46:00.002+08:00

its time to update tis blog alr! LOL
i've been so bz tis wk!!! omg!!
well first tings first, just nw mom bought me a yoga mat 4 my lesson on mon @sp! WOOTS!!
its reebok and all beige and i love it!! its rather long hehe
i've neva seen a real yoga mat b4..so yea i very chun gu hahas
tt word created by my crazy ah ting! lols

hmm then watched monkey's paw @ sp and it was so GREAT!!!!! really!!
like though i didnt get e story at e end, i still enjoyed their use of grammar and e very real-like way they speak, like they've known this all their lives
hahas so it was cool and scary! its a cursed monkey's paw, u make 3 wishes and though u get wat u wan, there are dire consequences like a family member dying in e show
so yea i realli enjoyed it! :)

hehe i tink i have alot to write man
on fri, wen poly marina 4 lesson on ship-op and tis time we did practical stuff outside of e classroom! i love!
see we wen to e top of e building and there was this wooden chair mounted to a pulley called a bossum's chair
so a few of us gave it a try..including me!! my other frens dun dare..hahas
so there's a rope in front of u and u grip it and hoist urself up, basically pulling ur own weight up, and then u cn see e view on top aft tt u do tis turning method to secure e rope and u wont fall, like a swing lidat, aft u release e rope and go down, and im glad i tried it! mayday made me! lols
hmm then ltr wen down to e jetty there and do heave line throw all e saltwater on our bodies man! so we were literally baked in e sun, and i got dark...haix
and..my guy fren pinched me till i gt bruise..he gt elephant skin so i pinch him nt pain de
LOL wah i reali type alot

2010-04-27T19:26:00.002+08:00

like so long neav post anytin on my blog alr man!!
lols i didnt even wen to go check my adsense acc to see if its working 4 me or nt
:) im too lazy alr lah
anw sch's been cool, no more vomitting crap goin on
and at least i get to mit a guy fren everyday at e bridge to go class tgt so its like i wont be lonely

hmm cca showcase is tmr!! and i've decided on a few options
1. environment club
2. astronomers club
3. food conneiseurs club
4. capoiera
so e last one im still nt very sure wats tt
so tmr i'll be checking it out aft class
heng only have 2 hr lessons tmr, e rest of e day im free!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like everyone else -.-

i tink most of my entries will be bout sch man
like cuz tts taking up most of my time...tis sat mayday's bdae bt..i tink im nt goin bah
wan go yuki yaki with jojo and PT!!! rofl my 2 crazy buddies
and i wan buy laptop bag lah!!! disney!!! or smth edgy and cool!!!
dum-dee-dum i hate accs!!! to e core!!!!
ok tts random
i did balancing accs today and i was like wat??? im real lousy in my maths, and trying to tell me all those wateva owner's entity and liabilities ting, i totally dun get at all
so its like sianz =(
haix wat to do...ok off to fb!!

2010-04-18T17:01:00.002+08:00

hello world!
im back again
finally finished my prepmath programme man!
total marks: 15/20!!!
yeshhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i nearly had a major headache trying to finish e stupid 20 qns 4 e sample test man
realli cn die
anw tmr's sch again! yeah!!!!!!!! i love sch
mainly cuz it makes me feel like an adult and also i havent officially started any lessons yet
maybe in e next few posts u'll see me moaning or smth bout hw work is so difficult
lols
anw pls go on clicking my ads if u have been doing so, tnx so much

ystd wen my darling's place to be with him 4 his bdae!
hehe i neva buy him anytin man! like so bad bt its like he dun mind loh
so i guess he was happy ystd
so many girls wish him happy bdae
arghs! im so jealous! anw we bought the new paper and we tried to find jobs 4 him wich was realli fun! cuz i nw then realised tt he was assistant manager back in his country
he worked for 11 yrs man! im so proud of him!
anw if he cant get a job here, he has to like go back to his country wich i noe he dosent wan to
and i freaking cried wen he kept saying tt and giving me tt sad look
im such a mushy-mushy
hahas and its like i wont be able to do alot of tings with him anymore! he's my longest-lasting bf
and i tink if i lost him, i'll die
hahas okok maybe nt bt life would be diff w/o him
i wont get to go grocery-shopping, no more watching his frens playing soccer while tgt with him on e grass
no more craziness and random shit/unexpected moods
no more going on adventures in sg in places i've neva been b4 like e street market tt sells unique/old stuff
no him to carry my bag even if i dont need him to carry
sighs i love my bf 120%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i wont let go of him
and i cant imagine nt being with him forever!
damn damn damn!

2010-04-16T11:37:00.002+08:00

hello peeps!
new alert! i set up an adsense account ystd
so i hope u guys could help me by clicking on e ads cuz its like i cant get nuggnag to go on my blog lols
hmmm nt much else to say though hahas maybe i'll put blogthings here ltr
hahas

2010-04-15T16:52:00.001+08:00

back again
poly life has been very interesting so far
all my new frens are like fun ppl to hang around with
everyone's friendly and nice to each other
exactly e way its should be
anw wen out to pizza hut on wed at amk there 4 lunch with xl
took pics!!!! hahas cn be found at my fb!!!
e cheese pizza featured on tv is so damn delicious man!!! enuff 4 2 ppl to eat
at first i was like should i order another brownie and ice-cream combo?
then i ate e pizza and decided i was full alr
lols so u guys mus try man!!!

then today wen e bukit batok ask ppl 4 money 4 president's challenge
and e weather was like...so blazing and hardly any ppl at all man
damn so me and 2 of my frens wen door to door at like 3 blks and collected i tink more money than wen we were just standing around and goin 'MOBILE'
hahas
so i collected $16.70 altgt, quite lousy 4 me lah no mood do
lols highest in my class is 92.70 by..e most chio girl in our class 03 and 04
lols other than tt i felt like vomittitingin e bus on e way hme, e man beside me like so disgusting
and i totally fell asleep in e bus and kept knocking e man's shoulder
so embarassing!!! lols

2010-04-13T10:58:00.002+08:00

ystd was my orientation!!
hahas we wen to e pasir panjang industrial park and saw all those ships at bay and e lecturer brought us to e jetty where ppl did e jetty jump
it was so cool! plus my lecturer was way funny and my new frens all like all crazy ppl
wich suits me great
lols i made like 5 new frens, there's xiaowei tt crazy girl hu blabbers and talks nonsense all e time
there's wanda e malay girl hu smiles and complains all e time wich is damn funny
and there's joleen hu's from anderson sec and is realli quiet
and there's tis other girl, i forgot her name alr bt she also makes me laugh like crazy
ehh and..mayday! another malay girl! like e wu yue tian chi grp!
hahas anw my class ppl looks like fun ppl to me and im glad its tt way!
goin back on wed 4 spice training and meeting up with e rest of my frens! lols

saw my colleague jian huei there and wy! o.o my cousin too! wich was surprising? hahas
then off home with val and she said her class ppl like so boring
lols at least i dun have to go sch today! cn rest man!
i was like so exhausted ystd lah!! i came hme and my head was throbbing like crazy!
plus i was so hungry and dead tired
rofl
val put contact lenses ystd, i dunno i wan put anot man
hahas anw enjoy ur new poly life ok?
cheers (:

2010-04-11T12:28:00.002+08:00

its a nice sunny morning
and my cramps arent so bad anymore nw tt im sitting down
bt it is rather stuffy
ystd wen changi airport with dad and sis
and i wore my pink uniqlo shirt-dress? wateva it is
i love tt piece of clothing! plus its warm and fuzzy, perfect 4 e airport! hahas
hmm so we walked around and took e free skytrain to terminal 2, and i bought a kitkat cookie and cream
sis bought her gobstoppers and some spray thingy
other than tt, nth much to see, i could understand y our airport is 1st in asia alr, its like a 6 star hotel or smth man
arghs dad wants to use com, off!

2010-04-10T13:04:00.002+08:00

Your Birthday is Pink

You are the dreamy type. You can't help but be an idealist, even if your dreams get crushed from time to time.

You have a vision of how the world should be. You work hard to make life easier and better for people.

You are generous. In fact, you give until it hurts and expect nothing in return.

You are sometimes disappointed. It's discouraging to have such high hopes when things don't work out.

What Color Is Your Birthday?

Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

Your Red Umbrella Says You're Confident

When faced with adversity, you respond aggressively. A part of you enjoys being challenged.

You don't back down easily. You have the confidence and character to lead.

You are outrageously brazen with you ideas, opinions, and statements.

You'll say what you think, and no one will silence you!

On a rainy day: you should continue your plan to rule the world... while everyone stays home and naps

The Umbrella Test

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

You Are Carbs

You are a very energetic and seductive person. You tend to be driven by your impulses, and people often find you tempting.

Often your energy is brief and almost manic. You have a lot of ups and downs if you're not careful.

When you take care of yourself, you feel alert, balanced, and satisfied. You can live a very balanced life if you play your cards right.

When you don't take care of yourself, your life is a nightmare. You can be moody, cranky, and unpredictable.

Are You Protein, Carbs, or Fat?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

You Are Optimistic and Lucky

You believe that life is a gift, and you're going to make the most of what you've been given.

You feel blessed with what you have achieved in your life, and you enjoy sharing your blessings with those you love.

You have a healthy outlook on life. You see the glass as (at least) half full.

You take every opportunity to forgive, learn, and grow. Life's too short to do anything else.

The Tree Test

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

2010-04-10T10:53:00.002+08:00

i just thought bout making money on my blog
nuffnang looks simple enuff bt im like so lazy to read all e details man!
its like they all look fun and easy
bt im nt very sure hw to go about doin them

ho-hum! since i created a new blog i guess i should update it often!
hahas its a cold morning today!
everyone's gone to work 'cept my grandma and sis and me
and no one's online to talk to!
usually its xl or some random person, bt tis morning everytin seems to slow down down down

ystd wen da ke yi e famous chicken rice stall to celebrate my granddad's bdae!
both my mom's side dad and mom have bdaes diff by 1 day!
cool rite? hehe
so..everyone's wearing smth casual and simple, and i look like a flowergirl with my short cotton-on dress
and my sis was just embarassing, what with her pouting mouth=sour expression=i do not want to be there look, everyone was asking me wat happened to her
and...e weird ting was i sorta freaked out wen my guy cousin suddenly asked if i had a bf
and i was like..*shocked face* then shakes head and he gives me tt ''weird look''
like ''are u sure''?
i was like..my sis is there! their parents are there! its just weird ok?
so then...e food there was ok
i guess i enjoyed e cake most at e end! cuz its fruit and me and dad chose it!
other than tt, e rest was just average

ok i write too much alr
ppl will get bored man!
alrite bye peeps! (:

2010-04-09T13:24:00.002+08:00

i deleted my livejournal
and omg! they made it so sad 4 me man! 4 those ppl hu once used it, it was like they cancelled ur name and e whole ting just deleted! like e loss of smth impt
well it felt lidat to me
i guess maybe someday if blogger decided to crash on me, i'll switch back to my livejournal
bt it was hardbreaking! sighs
anw i deleted e rest of my posts on blogger alr
all those sad/angry/nonsense days of e depressed me
i realised i looked so much younger last time and it was only 2 yrs ago
its like i reaslised i grew up alr! hahas nt surprsing
i used to be realli naive and dumb and stupid last time
and i guess im much betta as a person nw
at least im trying nt to hurt myself and my parents anymore
hmmm..i saw e post of wen i first created facebook and it looked so silly! nw facebook is like e biggest phenomenon! its like everyone on earth has it!
and my sis is joining it soon..wich is like...i guess she grew up too!

18 and able to watch m18 shows plus get a license and drinking alcohol
dum-dee-dum tts fast! too fast i tink
lets hope everytin stays lidat